Beware of "Miracle" Products
Sarah: Hi, Sarah Sanders here for Maggie's Miracle Products—home of the world's greatest products at the world's greatest prices. All our products have Maggie's Personal Money-Back Guarantee, so you can try them risk-free! Not sure what you need? NO PROBLEM! We've got something for everyone!
Is your life feeling blah? Then try VeggieWow! Tasty-Drinks and get the boost you need to get it going! It boosts energy, it clears your skin, and improves your memory! (cough) Mmm... Delicious!
Did you say you don't have time to exercise, but you need to find a way to stay fit?! Don't move a muscle—this revolutionary innovation can do it for you! The Mach 11 Electro-Pulser uses proven principles of health-based science to tone your muscles and burn fat without you ever lifting a finger!
Ooh, look at this. Now for our rarest and most exclusive product: Toxin Cleansing Serenity Snails. These elusive cleansing snails have been used for centuries to remove harmful toxins from the body. Plus, they act as a natural skin moisturizer! But because of the changing climate, this ancient remedy is in very short supply. It's available only from Miracle Maggie. Place your order today! Don't forget about our money-back guarantee! You can try it with no risk!
But wait, there's more! Buy any three of our products and get the fourth one absolutely... (Sarah's watch alarm beeps) Finally! Break time!
Emily: Um... what happened to the hype?
Sarah: Look, between you and me, the only reason I took this job is because it pays more than the other places in the mall. I don't even know if any of this stuff works. 'Scuse me, though. I'm trying to finish my crossword puzzle.
Emily: Wow. I wouldn't put much faith in any of this stuff. And, some of them are kind of weirding me out. These products make claims that are way over the top, and I'm pretty sure I found a different tip-off to a rip-off on every different one of these "miracle" products. Here, I'll explain.
When a product claims to be a quick and effective all-in-one remedy, definitely be skeptical. The benefits sound enticing, but without proof to back them up, these claims mean one thing: "Watch out!"
"A revolutionary innovation designed by using proven principles of natural health-based science?" What is that even supposed to mean? Look, the ONLY way to stay in shape is to eat healthy and get exercise. Don't be fooled by promotions that try using scientific sounding words and phrases to sound impressive.
Ok, this is just GROSS. Just because they're rare, doesn't mean I'm going to get anywhere near one of those things. I'm fine with leaving this "ancient remedy" in ancient times where it belongs. Exclusive-sounding buzz words can sucker someone into buying stuff—even slimy stuff. As for the money back guarantee, if you read the fine print, you'll find so many conditions listed that there's really no chance of you being able to return this product.
Sarah: Shoot... Break time's up. Quick, what's a 4-letter word for "costly non-truth"
Emily: Um, scam.
Sarah: Thanks! Done.
Hi! Sarah Sanders here for Maggie's Miracle Products—home of the world's greatest products at the world's greatest prices.
Emily: (sigh) Here we go again.